***POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING***

Two days ago I was sexually assaulted. I believe I got drugged, I don’t remember anything.

I was out with some coworkers at the bar, had 4 drinks then I texted my bf that I was drinking a water then leaving (10:30pm). I remember feeling pretty ok at that point, not drunk. After that, I don’t remember anything. We spoke to the bartender the next morning. Her story doesn’t match what I remember and my bf thinks she’s trying to cover for someone. She said that I had 5 drinks plus several shots, all way before I drank that water. I was only charged for the 4 drinks that I can remember drinking. She said that (even after all that) I seemed perfectly fine and wasn’t stumbling or anything. Then said that I disappeared to the men’s bathroom with a guy for about an hour. She said we were making out, and that it looked consensual. Then we got kicked out and this guy and I sat in my car for a very long time, before going to his car. He dropped me off at home (I live with my bf). I got home around 1am. My bf didn’t see me get dropped off but came out as I was stumbling and falling on my way to the door. He said my shirt wasn’t on correctly, and my bra was only hooked by 1 out of 3 hooks. I came home without my coat, phone, or keys. And left my car at the bar.

I have scratch marks around where my bra straps sit and where it hooks. A couple bruises on my arm and shoulder, and a scratch on my neck. I don’t think anything happened from the waist down-I’m on my period and had a tampon in the whole time, and have no scratches or anything down there. I was wearing an Apple Watch, which now has very deep scratches on the top of the glass, so it appears I took a really hard fall. My phone was found in the men’s bathroom. My coat was locked in my car, and my keys were in my coat. One of the door locks is broken on my car, so I opened it to get the stuff. My passenger seat was reclined and slid all the way back. I was/am wearing glue on nails, I lost two of them that night, and found them on the floor of my car. I found my pepper spray in my cupholder (it was in my coat pocket that night), and after inspecting it, it was obvious that I had used it.

I have been raped before. I remember it, unlike this time. I went to the police and hospital then, and had a horrible experience. So even though my boyfriend wants me to do this, I’m refusing. He thinks he knows who did it, but I don’t think he’s right. He says that if I don’t go to the police that he’s going to go beat this guy up. I don’t want him to. I really have no idea if it was him and I have a feeling it wasn’t. Even if it was him, I’m really not comfortable with my bf going to fight this guy. Maybe that seems weird..but that’s how I feel. How do I stop him? I told him I don’t want him to and he thinks I’m trying to defend the guy. I just don’t want my bf to get arrested or something..