When I was 5 I was raped by a family friend. When I was growing up I was really shy and would just keep to myself. When I got to middle school I started hanging out with people that I shouldn’t have. I started smoking weed and having sex with older people at only 13/14. It was a time I wish I could get back. My family would ignore me and I had friends but not really because they were all talking about me behind my back and being fake. I have just been going around giving myself to people who could care less about me because I was/am hurt. I got into an abusive long term relationship and ended up getting pregnant at 18. I am now broken up and still being abused by him and going and hooking up with people again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I am still thinking about something that happened so long ago. It was my fault I got raped. I shouldn’t have been born I guess that would’ve helped. I just feel so disgusting and stupid but I can’t help myself. I fall for people too quick and get used. Sometimes I think maybe I’m crazy and I didn’t get raped it’s just all in my head. Idk. Like a vivid dream I can’t forget about.