I had a horrible childhood. Growing up was very rough for me and my siblings. I’m the oldest and I’ve always felt responsible for my younger siblings. My mom was honestly not the best mom to me and she isn’t. My dad removed himself from my life when I was 6. I believe the real reason why I feel like I can’t trust anyone is because my childhood and the stuff I still go through today with my mom. I’m struggling to love myself. I’m struggling to trust anyone around me. I feel like I’m alone all the time. I’m really struggling to find my happiness and be at peace with myself. I’m in a relationship and it’s been very hard to just fully trust my partner. It’s affecting our relationship and even though I’m trying my best to not let that happen, I just have a hard time trusting. He doesn’t understand me at all and honestly it’s not fair for him or me. I love him so much and I know he loves me , but my trust problems get in the way of our relationship from being happy. I hate myself sometimes. I hate the way I think. The way I am sometimes. I don’t know what to do anymore ! I don’t want to break up with him either.