This will be long so I'm sorry for that and may contain info that could be triggering.

When I was 13, a guy who was 16 started talking to me online. We went to the same school so i had seen him around but we had never spoke before. We met up, kissed and he continued to message me. The messages got sexual really quick and he said he wanted to finger me and that I should shave down there to prepare for it. I wasnt sure but when we met up I let him because I wanted him to like me(stupid reason I know). We would meet up and things would get increasingly sexual until eventually he asked me if we could have sex. I said yes even though I knew I wasnt quite ready but it was the only time I would get to see him is if we were to do something sexual, we wouldnt hang out beforehand or after it was just meeting up somewhere, having sex then leaving. He would make me walk behind him and follow him to wherever we would have sex. We would meet up and have sex and this went on for a few months until my mum found out and threatened to take it to the police. I begged her not too, cut contact with the guy and told my mum he had moved country so as he wouldnt get in trouble. A while later the exact same thing happened with an 18year old guy when I was 13 except this time when he asked for sex, I said no and he quickly lost interest and we stopped speaking. When I was 14 i met a guy who was 16 and we got into a relationship and everything was great for a while but things quickly turned. He would cheat on me, call me disgusting names, show up to my house in the middle of the night and make me stand at my bedroom window to make sure I wasnt out cheating on him and towards the end of the relationship he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. The name calling turned to shoving and eventually he grabbed me by the neck and repeatedly banged my head of the wall for not having sex with him. I still stayed because I figured it was his condition making him act like this but the next time I said no to sex, he pulled my trousers down and had sex with me anyway. A few weeks later, he went to jail for attempted murder (not on me) and I've not heard anything from him since. My next relationship was when I was 16, he was the same age and we stayed together for 6 years, had a daughter together, everything was pretty good and I thought this is it. We off course had our arguments and breakups when we were younger but I thought we had worked through it all. When I was 20weeks pregnant he went out and cheated on me. I forgave him and things were good again until about 4months ago, he told me he cheated and has a baby with someone else. It broke my heart and I left him. I was just reflecting on all this and realised I've never had a proper healthy relationship and I feel like I never will. I really feel like there must be something about me that makes people think they can take advantage of me. Honestly, I'm scared of ever being with someone again and I'm scared for my daughter growing up and anything like this ever happening to her. This is so long and I'm so sorry but I just needed to get it out, write down my thoughts and just process it all.