What do I do😭

So I’ve known this guy for 5 years, we were talking for maybe 2 years. Long I know. The truth is I was in a deep depression those last five years and I rarely left my house even to meet him or my friends and I never told anyone. I was in a really bad place and rarely even showed him any affection yet he still liked me. It was unfair to him yet he refused to give up. So, the end of 2018, although I loved him (my first love) I pushed him away and lied by saying I lost feelings and that we shouldn’t talk anymore. It was horrible, he kept asking why and how can I lose feelings so I kept spewing lies. Then we completely stopped talking for months. My mental health still isn’t completely on track but then again it never has been lol. Anyways, recently we started randomly starting conversation and it felt like before. Nothing had changed. We’d talk for a few weeks non-stop then not talk for a month because it got awkward and repeat. We have mutual friends so I’d see him around or even chill with him a few times. I still love him but I don’t want to repeat from last time and I know he still loves me too. I never told him about my mental health issues because I’m too embarrassed to so he’s prob still abit confused. I don’t know if I should just have a conversation with him about the past and explain everything properly and maybe rekindle things or to just leave him alone for good.