We so wanted this baby. We tried for so long...

And now I'm unhappy.

Really unhappy..

Super super glad I'm pregnant and looking forward to my little bean, so much.

But I feel guilt.. Guilt for having a baby in my horrible life.

I have a bad family.

A brother that was abusive, a mother that was ignorant and selfish and lazy.

A stepmom that hates me and a dad that loves me but wants to stay in peace with his woman so he doesn't nearly enough stick up for his kids.

Mind you. I'm a goody-2-shoes.. Or how you say that.. I always did everything to make everyone happy and nothing was ever enough.

I still feel like I need to be perfect for them. But even then.. I'm smart enough to realise I'll never be good enough.

My partner is having a horrible custody battle 6 years after they seperated because she found out I'm pregnant and she's jealous and vindictive and a bitch and not only are we at risk of losing every financial means we have to her but might also be losing the kids and we'll be having to pay alimony... (which we don't right now because we co-parent)

On top of that my work hours changed making taking care of this baby impossible with this job.. Having a financial strain already because of his ex, changing jobs while pregnant or just out of maternity leave will suck and I'll be earning much less then I did before. Only because my new boss "didn't like my current schedule" which was arranged in order for us to have this baby. (to which he responded: the baby's not here yet. So I don't have to take it into account. And now they won't change it back because "I had time to figure something out")

It's like.. I can't catch a break ever..

I hate my life.

Can't anything go the way it's supposed to go?

Fortunately.. My baby's healthy.. I guess that's positive