Gaining after losing

This full moon has me feeling all sorts of feels that I wish I could ignore. Last night my friend and I were trying to figure out dinner and I checked my Weight Watcher app to see how many points I had remaining. I went into a full on spiral after seeing a video she took of me, being hungry, hating my body.

I lost 85 pounds 2 years ago and have since put 30 of it back on (17lbs since August) and I’m not in a great frame of mind right now. I have PCOS and would like to one day have a baby. I know I’m not healthy enough for that now but I need to fix the problem here and now.

I have no motivation to do so. Emotionally I do. Physically looking at myself I do. But the energy to get up and go to the gym? It’s missing. The desire to eat healthy and make better choices? I don’t have it.

I’m asking for help because I don’t know where else to turn.