Well I went to my sister in laws baby shower. One where my step children’s mother was also accidentally invited to. So it was a pain on top of another pain. Listening to my step kids mother talking about how shes so blessed to be a mom and how she has baby fever. I sat there and had to hide the pain of me being there after my miscarriage and her bragging about her blessings. I did the worst thing possible. I drank too much. I didn’t do anything stupid I just got sad. But my fiancé took me home after and we fought. We fought over nothing. I was so angry at everything I had just been through and he just doesn’t get why it hurt so bad. I tried so hard to be good. But I just hit a new low at the baby shower. I realized how truly sad I am to not be able to be a real mom. The next day my fiancé told me I needed to quit drinking. I agreed. I don’t need it I know in my state these days it’s not a good idea but what crushed me was that he no longer wants to try for a child because he is upset that his three kids aren’t enough to make me happy... I do everything for them. I do the school drop off. I keep the youngest home with me on our days we have them. I sign them up for swimming and take them to all their events and sports. I love them so much he just doesn’t see why I want one of my own... I just want to be called mommy.. I take my step kids out and I could easily be mistaken as a nanny. They love me but I’m not their mom.. and that’s what I signed up for but I had hoped to be able to give them a brother or sister. Now my fiancé doesn’t want one at all.