depressed , can’t open up to my partner.

Okay, so I’ve been suffering from depression since I was 12. I also have severe anxiety. I’m in a relationship with this boy. & I have a hard time opening up.. it’s not like I don’t want to. I want to open up about my past trauma so that when an episode happens he can understand and not run away from it or catch an unreasonable attitude and try to help me... but I’m going through one as of right now. And it’s extremely hard when you can’t say what’s wrong they see you’re acting funny but don’t bother to ask. I’ve been tryna open up about this for about 2 weeks now. I know how I am... when an episode starts I mainly push the people I love away. And I definitely don’t wanna do that to him. But he acts so childish and when I bring it up like you couldn’t check on me ? Or I’m having a bad day can you at least ask me what’s wrong... he gets mad and tells me “bye” I’m the type of person to want to have deep conversations and wonder what’s on your mind. Talk about future goals etc... we don’t even do that. So it gets hard at times. I’m really hurting and I just wanna find comfort in my boyfriend sometimes... I just wanna open up to him that’s all.