I’m currently in a mental and verbally abusive relationship. He’s controlling, constantly accusing me of cheating, he has outbursts where he destroys all the things in my house. He installed cameras to watch me while he’s gone, when we argue he tells me I’m a bad parent and I hate my kids and he’s gonna take them away from me. If I go somewhere alone he blows my phone up the whole time and thinks I’m not really where I say I am. I know all of this is horrible and abusive but I’m still having a hard time just getting up and leaving.

And I realize that’s stupid, like obviously he doesn’t love me but there’s just this tiny bit of hope in me that he does and he’ll get better but then it never happens and I constantly just feel more and more stupid. Well have periods of time where it’s perfect and hes perfect and nothing’s wrong and I think maybe this is finally it and then he starts it all up again.

And I realize him accusing me of cheating is a big sign that he’s cheating but he’s not, he doesn’t even have the time to, he rushes home from work and he’s nonstop texting me all day, I think he’s just extremely insecure or something.

I always read posts on here about girls with abusing SO’s and I wonder how stupid they are for staying but now I realize I’m one of them and it’s honestly extremely hard, I can assure you I will no longer judge anyone.

I do love him I just wish he’d change and be normal, I feel sick just thinking of having to sleep alone at night or even him being with someone else but I know being with him is not good at all. And especially with our kids, he doesn’t care if they’re standing in front of us he’ll start screaming in my face and breaking stuff with them right there and I know that’s wrong and technically abusive to them.

I just have no idea where to start, I have my own money so I guess that’s good, but my name is also on the lease with his, but his name is the main name so I don’t know if I’d be able to get my name off it and move out before the lease is up. But I also pay all the bills so he wouldn’t be able to pay the people anything after I leave. And he’s damaged the place a lot, all the doors and walls have holes in them.