So today is my sons first day of daycare, he went in and instantly started playing didn’t even notice I was leaving or had left. My husband(will refer to as ex from now) and I are currently in the process of divorce and we live in two different states, 460+ miles apart. I had been trying for weeks to get him to talk with me about daycare and costs so that I can start working. He has said on multiple occasions that he won’t pay for daycare if I’m not working, which I’ve had to then explain I can’t go to interviews or work if our son isn’t already in daycare. I went to DOZENS of daycare to tour, get prices and find availability. There are only two that are with in a reasonable distance away that have availability now. The cheaper of the two costs 282 a week.

When I told him this he went off on how I need to look into Inhome daycares and find something cheaper instead of sending him to a school type daycare with structure and learning opportunities. This rubbed me wrong for the fact that our son isn’t saying any words yet at 20 months old and my ex had speech problems at a young age due to not being in the proper learning environment, which caused him to be held back two years when he started actual k-12 school. I want what’s best for our son and don’t want him held back because one of his parents is being selfish when it comes to his education.

Now again I got my son registered and today’s his first day, until I can get a job I’m paying for daycare out of my savings. I’ve tried talking to my ex about daycare but he’s ALWAYS to busy, even on the weekends when he’s not working or at 7-8 pm when he’s just at home. He legit doesn’t care about anything to do with his son but expects me to take care of it cost free but also keep him updated when he refuses to talk to me about it 🙄 ANYWAYS, I have a moral dilemma with the daycare. My ex hasn’t even asked where this daycare is, what’s it called, what amenities and programs it offers, how many toddlers are in the class per teacher, literally nothing. The good person in me who wants to do the right things feels that I should atleast offer him the information to log into the camera system for the parents. But the realistic person in me feels that if he hasn’t even bothered with anything, including seeing or talking to his child, then he doesn’t deserve the camera access.

Does it make me a bad person if I don’t tell him? Would you tell him and give him the information? One of the additional reasons I don’t want to is because he can give the access information to his mother who has made legitimate threats against me and has previously stated that my ex should secretly hide cameras where we used to live to record everything I say and do. That’s really the major thing I have with the cameras, I don’t want her to have that access. But also don’t feel like he deserves it either. Please help.