So frustrated.

Started spotting today. Aunt flow due tomorrow so she’s right on time. Been trying since September. I don’t know why I’m frustrated. I think because With my other two we started trying in September and got pregnant in January. Now trying to conceive at 36 I’m getting more worried each month that passes. But I guess I only can control so much. So now focused on getting to my pre pregnancy weight. Which was 135. I am now 175. My youngest is 15 months. I gained most of this with my oldest. 100lbs during that pregnancy. Which is awful.

I feel very blessed to have my two beautiful daughters. And feel bad for complaining about not being pregnant, But I’ve always wanted a large family and got married late. So it’s now or never. I just feel so alone ttc. My best friend doesn’t care. She got her tubes tied and regrets it, so when I bring it up she doesn’t say much. She hardly got excited when I was pregnant with my second. My other friends have a ton of kids. Like it wasn’t a problem for them.

Sorry don’t complaining. Have a good day everyone