Just needing a safe space to vent and maybe just maybe someone will know how to help. I’m 22 and a mom to a beautiful 9m old baby girl. Soon after she was born I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. I’ve struggled with both my whole life but never to that extreme. I was doing well and I stopped taking medications when I lost my insurance coverage. Lately life just hit me like a brick, I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed everyday, getting through work, taking care of my daughter... everything is hard. My house is a disaster, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and every night I have anxiety thinking that I’m going to die and go to hell (raised very religious). The only thing that helps is smoking a little bit of cannabis in the evenings, gives me some relief and for a few hours I’m ok. I need a new job but found out it takes ages for weed to leave your system and most places won’t hire a weed smoker (even though it’s legal here) my family is disappointed with me because they expect me to be using my schooling and working in a hospital or something similar and as previously stated I won’t pass the urine analysis and with my mental health this way I don’t want to. I’ve reached out to family and friends but no one wants to talk about anxiety and depression, when I talk to my husband he gets in a mood and tries to tell me what to do, or say I’m making him feel like a bad husband because he can’t make me happy and no amount of explaining depression to him has helped and I give up. I just don’t know what to do, I feel like I have no one to turn to and I can’t live like this anymore.