I've put my baby to bed every single time in his life except for 10 times. That's over 1,500 times if I counted correctly. And trust me when I say hes never gone down easily. I've nursed him every single meal because he wont take any bottles and I can hardly get an ounce when pumping. I've woken up every single time in the middle of the night. I've slept in twice since he was born. Ive never been able to leave him for longer than 3 hours. Which hasnt happened very often either. He had colic from day one and is still a completely unhappy baby. I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of not being helped. I'm tired of never getting a break. Im tired of constantly starving because I'm to busy to eat or want to spend the 20 minutes this kid naps to sit in peace. I'm tired of being a less than great parent to my other kid. I've tried expressing this to my husband but nothing ever changes. I'm so done. Literally the best part of my day is drinking my coffee. Like that's the only thing I feel like is my own or brings me joy anymore and half the time I dont even get to do that in silence. I dont feel like a human anymore. I feel like I've sacrificed every part of me that made me a person. He works a lot and some days doesnt get to see the baby to get the option to help but he gets 2 weekends and a week off every month and nothing changes then. I feel like everyone is so happy with their babies right now growing and doing all these fun things and mine is meeting these milestones as well, sure, but he does it while crying or whining. I'm sorry if anyone actually read this whole post because its pathetic and I know that I just need to cry and rant somewhere. Sorry.