Well... how does a person know it’s over? How does a person leave someone whenever you love that person with your whole heart?

A little back story to begin with:

My husband and I have been together since 2012, married in 2015, a month after we got married I found out I was pregnant (wasn’t preventing and wasn’t trying), my son is now 3 years old, we split up when my son was a year old for like 3 months, then got back together for a year or so and split up again for 1 month. Now I know all marriage has its ups and down, no body and no relationship is perfect. But both times that we split up I was the one that left him, now that thought is inside of my head again; I feel like I’m single mentally and physically.

We have been trying for baby #2 for two years off and on, I’m stressed out and I know he is stressed too, and yes sometimes I’ve very moody and I can be a total bitch. Here lately he’s been calling me a bitch, and that hurts. He knows it hurts me yet he still calls me that. My mom and I are pretty close since my grandma died in October 2017, I used to talk to my grandma, but in the past 5 months me and my mom has grown closer. One day about a month ago my mom could tell something was bothering me, and I told her that he calls me a bitch occasionally. She was very upset and tested him and told him he shouldn’t do that. I might also add that he calls me names in front of his son, which is disrespectful in my opinion and is teaching our son that’s it’s okay to do these things to women.

Well we was in the vehicle today and was just talking while watching the birds eat(we go to the park every other day with our son to watch the birds and feed them). He brought up Valentine’s Day, and what I wanted... he always ask and I always tell him what I would like he put them in a box and draws it out, and that’s what I get. Anyways... I put that I wanted a new wedding set. (I have been using the silicone ones that always breaks for some reason, because my original one had to be cut off when I was in labor with our son). He pretty much told me that he isn’t getting me a ring because of the one I want is too expensive and I wouldn’t get him something that is like $100 yet the ring I want is $130 (this is with a coupon and 40% off Valentine’s special). So I said okay whatever. He said you don’t always have to be a bitch, so I just kept staring out the window like how could he say this to me... and then he says oh you going to go running to your mom now...

My relationship is done with right? No matter how many times I try and try to work on our marriage it never works. I tell him what’s bothering me and he ignores it. Like I told him I would like to go to bed with my husband instead of my husband staying out with his step brother all night. I used to not voice my problems/bothers to him and kept it bottled up and then eventually I would just meltdown but before my meltdown I had so much anger and depression dwelling inside me. I don’t want to be depressed so I started voicing my concerns which he said I needed to if we was going to work on our marriage.... but I tell him my concerns and he acts like oh well I don’t care I’ll do me.

Oh and another thing is his step brother is a “pill-head” or any drug he can find to get high. I’m also afraid that he will pick up the habit.

My husband is a truck driver and he is gone most of the time. The winter months which is December, January, and February he is home because of the weather. But the rest of the months he is working and is only joke two days out of the week. Doesn’t he know that I want to spend time with him while he is here... he goes back to work in March and I bet I’ve only been able to go to bed with him beside me a week out of those three months.

Could he be cheating? Doing drugs? I love this man so much but I’m not going to keep being miserable. And I know we agreed the last time we split to still continue to try for another baby to give my son a full brother/sister and then my tubes are going to be tied. But i don’t know anymore. I’m tired of trying, tired mainly. As I work for a call center and go to college at the same time I’m just exhausted with all that and stressed from that and also trying to have a baby and work on a marriage.

What can I do or say to get him to understand? I love this man. So much.

Also both times we split he begged for me to come back and I did he also cried the last time...