The question “do I want kids?” Is constantly on my mind. I envy women who know what they want because i don’t and god it’s just been on my mind CONSTANTLY. I’m 23 years old and I feel like I should have that innate desire but I just don’t. At all, and I don’t know if this will change or what’s going on. So I went and talked to my grandma about it. Just FYI me and my grandma are super open with each other. Sex is a normal part of life and that’s how we view it. She went with me when I got my IUD. we got into what having kids was like for her and eventually I asked what kind of birth control she used. She said “none” and I asked if my aunt and uncle and mom were planned. She said “yes I tried for every single one of my babies.” And I said “so what did you use to prevent pregnancy, like did my grandpa pull out?”

“Nope he didn’t. We didn’t have babies when we didn’t want to, and did have them when we did. My children were truly god given. I asked and received.” I asked if conceiving took a long time and she said “nope. When I wanted to get pregnant I got pregnant immediately.”

Y’all. My aunt and uncle are 3 years apart and my mom is the youngest by 8 years. That’s 8 years between children with no contraception and then bam she wanted a baby and had one.

I’m sitting here thinking... he’s not alive so I can’t ask him. But maybe my grandpa knew how the female body worked and kept track of her periods and just didn’t touch her when it was her fertile week until they wanted a baby.

This is wild. And yes I did get a lot from this conversation with her I asked her a million questions and it soothed my soul a bit. Nothing better than talking to someone with a lot of wisdom.