I seriously hate my life so much. My mom has an alcoholic boyfriend and he is the worst. He is so mean to me all the time. And sometimes I catch him staring at my butt. I’m 15. He drinks and drives all the time too. My life has been a living hell since him and his 2 kids arrived. I have 1 older brother who’s actually related to me. His kids are 4 and 8. I hate them so much. They get on my nerves so bad that I want to rip all my hair out. My mom doesn’t understand that living in a house with all guys literally sucks! Sometimes it’s so bad I hold my breath so long everything starts to turn black. Lately I’ve been sad all the time and been thinking about ways I could die. Like drowning myself or slitting my wrists in the bath tub. I’ve tried to make it stop but I often catch myself staring at something and thinking about myself dying. And how if I was dead life would be so much better. I want to tell my mom but she wouldn’t understand. My older brother ( he’s 16) is already being shipped off because he has severe depression. My mom will most likely say I’m pretending because I want attention. I’ve told my mom that I feel like she doesn’t care about me because every time something happens his kids always come first. I mean there plain idiots they don’t think with their heads. Like for example I’d they drop a drink they gasp and then watch it pour out. Instead of picking it up as soon as they realize it’s spilling. Ik I’m probably overreacting but my life is the worst. I just want my life to be the way it was just me, my mom and my real brother. Me and my mom used to be really close. But every time she gets a new man we drift further and further apart. At this point I want nothing to do with my mom. My brother lives with my grandma because his life was so miserable here with my mom. I try to move in with her hoping she’ll let me but there’s no more room there. So I have to deal with the fact that I want to kill myself all the time and keep my mouth shut about it. It’s hard here, hard to feel okay, hard to stay happy. Every time my mom tries to talk to me I get frustrated because I know all the crap she puts me through is her fault. So she’s the reason I want to die.

Edit:

I forgot to mention, my moms boyfriend has been in probation since he was 16. He’s been in and out of jail for the past 2 years. He makes me so uncomfortable