My SIL and I used to be close but as of the past two years have slowly drifted apart, and now we rarely talk to each other. (My SIL is related in that she is my BIL’s wife.) We don’t approach one other, it’s just a quick hi and bye.

The reason we are no longer close are because of hurt feelings. I didn’t mean to but I hurt her feelings, and when she told me that I DID hurt her feelings, I immediately apologized and told her I had no idea and never meant to hurt her. But it took her about two months to tell me... before then she gave me the cold shoulder and ignored me.

She avoided and ignored me again almost all of last year. This time it was because I got pregnant easily, and she was trying for a while. I felt sad for her, and gave her space and time. But that did no good. Our MIL even said that she had a right to be angry and that I probably should apologize to her (for getting pregnant?) She didn’t invite me to hang out, would say yes to our invites but ended up not getting together. She also would talk bad about me and my husband. She had done little passive aggressive things here and there, so over time I really just felt uneasy and unwelcomed when I was around her.

Well she’s now about ready to have her first child real soon, and my husband has been urging me to reconnect with her. But all this time she’s made it very apparent that she doesn’t care to be around me... I told this to my husband and his response is simple: “I know she’s treated us bad and has been mean to us this year... I’m not asking you to be best friends with her. I’m asking you to just take her out for lunch or tea and visit with her and see how she’s doing. Because if you don’t want to be around her, I don’t get to have a relationship with my brother and sister in law.”

His argument is that because I choose not to go out of my way to visit his brother and SIL, it’s causing distance between us and them. He doesn’t want to go there and have relationship with them alone. I have to be there with him.

How do I go about this? I still feel uneasy and tense around her, but my husband has urged me to set that all aside for the sake of relationship. I see where he’s coming from, but it’s actually pretty difficulty for me to do what he’s asking of me.