I have always been insecure. Always always always. Since meeting my boyfriend, most of that has gone away. He makes me feel like a million bucks!!!

I know that he would never cheat on me, I know that he is faithful and I know that he loves me.

But I always find myself thinking about if I was wrong. What if he did cheat? What if he was cheating? What would I do? What if he didn’t think about me like he says he does? Will he tell me? Will I find out? Who is it with? Why them? Did I do something wrong? Am I messing up?

These thoughts WONT LEAVE ME!!! I try so hard just to tell myself that he is a loyal faithful lovely man who i hope to have in my life until we are both old and grey. But if I can’t learn to get over these stupid thoughts then I don’t know how we will get there.

Another thing, which I feel AWFUL about, is my behavior. A male friend of mine and I have a strictly platonic relationship, we are friends and only friends. But we have the type of friendship where we greet each other with a hug and where occasionally he’ll leave and use “love you” as his closing words. It’s just always how we’ve acted with each other but we both know that we are nothing more than friends. If my boyfriend did this, I would flip. So when I found myself hugging my friend (I’ll call him Jay) and realizing that if my boyfriend (Xavier) did this to someone else that I would freak out, I felt horrible.

I do feel horrible. I feel like trash. I don’t even know why because I know I didn’t do anything “wrong”.

I just hate how hypocritical I feel, and I don’t know what to do about it.