I have a one year old born 12/16/18 and have a one month old born 01/03/20, I thought it would be easier. I thought I had this, I mean majority of the things I do, I have the experience now, but I’m going through this emotional ride and it’s affecting me and my relationship.

I feel guilty for thinking that I love my first baby more than I do the newborn, that I don’t have that connection with him, that he gets me anxious Bc he can’t sleep from 3-8 am and I can’t seem to stop his crying. I tell myself everyday it will get better, but it seems like the opposite.

I get mad Bc my bf (who I just broke up w bc of this) doesn’t help me out at night, just turns around and sleep, doesn’t want to hear me out when I want to talk about my feelings, yes we have our issues and I tell him I don’t feel appreciated. I do most of the work with both babies, if it was up to him he would solve the crying with giving the one year old a bottle all the time instead of solids. He says I have my rules and want it my way.

He lives nearby so he always goes home and shower and stuff and sometimes sleeps there, I told him he is the only one that has the freedom to do that, that he can’t pick and choose and on Valentine’s Day I told him to leave. That he is useless, just a body.

I’m not sure if my outrage is from my crazy self or I’m just dealing w a lot. Taking in a lot, 2 babies back to back, my “friends” disappeared once I became a mom. I feel alone. As if I want to runaway and know that my babies will

Be ok with my family. I don’t feel happy and I don’t have the support I need. With 2/3 hours of sleep a day and still have to manage to uplift myself alone for my babies.