Today on February 17 at exactly 9:30 pm I cut myself again. I am just in such a low point and I feel so isolated and like I cannot talk to any of my family or friends because I am scared of the judgement and pity that I will receive. I honestly thought it was getting better ( I hadn’t cut myself since August 21 2019) and had learnt many different things to distract myself from those thoughts. I even learnt how to play three Einaudi pieces in one day at the beginning of the year. But I couldn’t distract myself enough to stop, cutting feels like an addiction to me- it’s on my mind 24/7 and I can only stop thinking about it when i do it- the pain that I get for it makes me feel the physical worthlessness i feel mentally and I can’t continue to fight the urges anymore.