Okay ladies... this might be kind of long, so please bear with me here...

I have a daughter who just turned 3 on January 20. She’s such a blessing! Well when she was just a few months shy of being 2, my husband and I had found out that we was pregnant... we weren’t planning on a pregnancy, so it was a huge shock to us and I had a very traumatizing L&D... so I was literally terrified... well like maybe a week or 2 after finding out about the pregnancy, we found out that the baby passed and we had a miscarriage. When I started bleeding was right when I started to pump myself up and get excited, so I was completely heart broken to find out our babe was passing(Sept. 2018)... so my husband and I talked and decided that we wanted to start trying for another baby. We found out on December 25, that we was pregnant yet again (that quick)! We were over the moon! Well my insurance was taking forever to kick in and I ended up having a lot of health issues and had to be taken to the hospital from work, where they decided to do an ultrasound to check baby’s progress.... we were so beyond devastated to find out that our baby’s heart stopped beating at 6w5d. We had to have a d&c procedure done because nothing was happening and I was already supposed to be 11 weeks... so February 1st of 2019 we had the surgery. A week after the surgery I went back to the OB and got the all clear to keep trying. We did. It took us longer this time. We found out in June of 2019 that we was pregnant again but literally started bleeding the very next day... my doc ordered a ton of blood work and ran a ton of tests and found out that I have an inverted chromosome 9, which causes infertility. But told us that we can keep trying (hard doesn’t mean impossible) we already have one baby, so we knew we could do it.... and we did not hesitate to try again. We found out on the 1 year anniversary of losing the first baby, that we were in fact pregnant, again! We were extremely excited! We had all the doctors appointments set, we were to get an ultrasound at 8 weeks. October 2019 we went into the office for an ultrasound and were told yet again that the baby unfortunately did not make it... this time it was a blighted ovum and we tracked it for 2 weeks just to be sure there wasn’t no progress on it possibly passing on its own... or to be sure there was no growth... they scheduled another d&c November 5th. I had a really really tough time with my anxiety and depression after that surgery so my husband and I decided to take a break from trying per our doctors recommendation also, and got on birth control.

Okay so now, usually I have a horrible time with birth control. It messes with my anxiety really bad and it’s just never a good time. After talking with my OB we decided to try the nuvaring, and I loved it!! It helped with my anxiety. It was amazing! It even helped me stay at a steady weight. So anyway 2 months ago, my pharmacy ended up switching the brands up on me, but swore they were identical.... so I wasn’t concerned. Well I popped the new one in and two days later was having the worst anxiety/panic attacks I have ever had in my entire life... so after that one was done, I took it out for period week, went back to the pharmacy and specifically told them that I wanted the name brand. They swore at the window that I got what I wanted, so I went home, opened it up, and it was the damn off brand again! I was pissed. I called up there and told them it’s not the one I had asked for and explained how it affected my anxiety... they apologized... I wasn’t trying to drive almost an hour to get a new one though, so we were just gonna wait and use condoms.

Y’all the freaking condom broke!! 😭🤦🏼‍♀️ the day it happened I was literally thinking about how I was just on my period so there’s no way I would have been ovulating.... and didn’t stress it. I can’t take plan b anyway. 🤦🏼‍♀️ well I just downloaded this app again to check and see.... and the day the condom broke was literally 2 days before my expected ovulation peak day... this app has always been very spot on for me, and my periods are pretty regular... :/ so I’m just really really nervous... I’m nervous about another miscarriage if I do happen to be pregnant... or having to go through another surgery... 😭😭😭😭 I won’t know anything for at least 12 days (if I miss my period) and probably won’t test until at least one week after it’s late... just if y’all read til now, first of all, thank you and second, please send me some good vibes and some prayers!

Thanks again ladies 💖💖