TW: Disordered Eating

I’m 19, and I’ve struggled with disordered eating habits for a really really long time.

I’m 5’6, and a very averagely healthy BMI which is good but...of course I want to be smaller.

I’ve been eating 3 healthy meals a day, but obsessively calorie counting in my head and staying in a pretty big calorie deficit compared to the exercise I’m doing. It’s been easy to maintain at my boyfriend’s for weeks, then I got home and saw all the chocolate and chips and binged on everything which can happen once in a while.

But, I just purged for the first time...

I am so ashamed, I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time kind of like...this is where I’m at now?

I’m worried things might be spiralling a little.

I’m even more worried I might do it again :/

I’d really like advice on what to do.