I don’t know either man

So I don’t know how to feel about sex. I can masturbate by putting my hands together between my thighs. But only with my clothes on. When ever I touch myself I feel so gross and disgusting. But sounds and thinking about it feel completely fine. I am very insecure in myself. I am not in a home or environment that I can be open about this. I barely know why I put this one here.