Emotional, praying, lost..

Long story short, I’ve confirmed miscarried twice since my little one and my now ex-best friend just had her baby and is intentionally rubbing it in my face.. She refuses to talk to me, even though we were pregnant at the same time and she was there at the hospital with me for my loss except to send me pics of her newborn daughter telling me “my daughter is gorgeous”... She won’t even let me come meet her.. I’m trying really hard not to get discouraged.. I just tried again and obviously won’t know for weeks to come as my cycle is quirky since I came off my birth control but I took a test today because I’m eating immensely and was praying I was pregnant to no avail.. Negative.. My heart felt like it shattered again.. Every week for the last 6 months since my last miscarriage I’ve taken a test and nothing.. I know I could die if I have another child but my heart aches so badly for the one I lost, I can’t help but to try for another.. I don’t know if it’ll ever happen and I apologize if I sound like a whiny little priss to those of you who have been trying longer.. I give you props, because after my first miscarriage I went on my birth control to prevent another loss only to end up with another and maybe this isn’t the right group to be posting in but I figured you girls would understand how much I yearn to carry a child right now.. To just hold my tummy while my baby kicks around and moves inside of me.. Smiling joyfully in anticipation of what he might look like.. I don’t even know if now is the right timing but I just can’t stop crying.. I just found out another one of my friends is pregnant, meanwhile another is due in 2 weeks, my cousin just had a baby girl, and it feels like everyone around me is getting pregnant EXCEPT FOR ME! 😭😭😭😭💔 We just had a family death and I wanted so badly to give my husband some good news and instead that stupid little test crushed all my hopes and dreams and now, I don’t know what to do... Is God trying to tell me something?? Can I just not handle another baby??! 😭😭😭 Please share some of your hopes to help restore mine, please... Wishing us all lots of baby dust! Xox. And sorry, I just really needed to vent and know I’m not alone, as I lay with my hips elevated on a pillow, feeling broken..