Am I selfish?

Ok, so me and my husband have been trying to conceive! Last year we did 6 months of meds to ovulate, and after that I figured I’m done with the meds I hated the way it made me feel. So at that point I figured if it happens it happens I’m not going to make it a chore to have sex because I am ovulating it just was not fun anymore. 2018 I had a miscarriage, we have one perfect son that is 12 and he is not enthusiastic about a baby!! I have it In My head that I am okay with just him, my career is picking up, and me and my husband have a lot of fun together and even more when it’s us 3 especially on vacations!! Well now I am late by 36 days, I do not feel pregnant no symptoms and my husband is pushing me to take a test, I don’t want that disappointment of not being pregnant and maybe it’s just stress and or that feeling of excitement when I am waiting for the results and then it a negative sign. I don’t have the energy for it, as in the disappointment, or to see my husbands face(which he is so supportive) I think I feel like a failure that I can’t give him another child. Am I wrong to feel this way or am I being selfish. What do y’all suggest or your thoughts???

Sorry for this long post!