Personal

It’s hard not to obsess while TTC and then getting absolutely devastated when the negatives keep coming back each month. Diet, stress, physical activity at all, sex, the disappointment takes a toll on each of these things that are supposed to be monitored on “healthy levels” to even be able to conceive... and it’s happening every month that my body fails me. I can’t find anything that makes me happy or makes me forget about the downside of this shit. I just hate that it turns into this depression and I don’t wanna become a horror to be around for my son and partner.

I hate to admit but I prayed to God early into our relationship and said if this love is meant to last...grant me a child.

Still no child. And it freaks me out, bc God has always taken me to what he can walk me through. But shielded me numerous times for things harmful to me that I didn’t recognize with my own naked eye. Call me paranoid or stupid but these kind of fears get me everytime.