Trying to be positive

I’m trying to be positive. This month was the first month we used clomid and honestly I really thought that we had good chances. I grew a lot of follicles and they were the right size, I had lots of creamy cm after ovulation. I am 9 dpo I’ve been having lots of cramping this week so I was like let me just take a test so my period don’t come early and beat me to it. Of course it’s negative and while I know I have more chances Of trying and I’m thankful for that, I’m just getting weary of the mental stress it puts in your body monthly. I always have thoughts of what’s wrong with my body, I have two other kids, are my tubes not really open like the doctor said, is it just the fact that I’m 33, will it just take more time, how far do I go in this journey before I throw the towel in???!?!? I know it’s deep for a Saturday morning but I know u ladies understand and thanks for listening!