Idk if this is the right forum but I have to vent/rant and I hope someone will read and give me some advice! I am 26 and mother to 3 beautiful children that I raise alone and dont get rlly any help from family or friends bc I shut most of them out due to not being here for us when we really needed them and said they would be but wasnt! They only seem to like drama and causing problems in their life, others ppls lifes and my life and did with my past relationships to! My BD loved our kids and me sooooo much and now he has been away from us for more than year and half and has not even called bc I drove him away bc listened to and believed stupid things! 😭😭😭I been soooo lost and a complete mess a few times by trusting them and they're advice but I had no one else to turn to and didn't know any better because I was young and not brought up right by my parents. I feel so stupid now 😣😣😖😭. I trusted them becaus I needed them and thought I could always count on them and they was so close to me and the only family and friends I thought I had that cared and was so important to me. UGGGHHH now I look back and they was only there when I was mad at my BD and they made it more worse and put thoughts in my head and they knew I was vulnerable... Like they dint know how to deal with their problems so they manipulated me to be like them so they have someone to stick up for them and be about there life and now we have no one here for us 🙍‍♀️😣🥺😣 Idk how to reach out to there dad bc he moved I think and changed his number and cut off his social media or uses a different name now bc I cant find him any where and never had much family and I never knew them bc he was brought up in the system! I am so scared of doing this all alone and feel so guilty for not shutting these ppls out sooner and pushing there dad away bc of it! I would NEVER give my kids up it never ever crossed my mind but I am at a total loss I don't want to turn back to them bc they will just keep trying to get me to do dumb stuff and take my mind off my kids like they did before and I don't want my kids or my life to be like theres or them getting in my kids heads like they did mine... or maybe worse! Does any one think I can hire a private detective to find him so I can explain to him that they are not in our lifes any more and we want and need him back and am sorry for it all but we love him and he is more important to us then them other ppl??? What should I do? I am lost and it has been so hard without him and we miss him and I don't want to go through different relationships until I settle or meet someone who dont rlly love us!!!