Bare with me as it’s a long story.

I married at 21 and was happy in love and fell pregnant near enough soon after it’s what we wanted. I was pretty happy. My husband then started to influence his dominance and would criticise that I bought new bigger clothes as I was pregnant... Although he helped me financially as a student in later years this soon spiralled into me helping him financially all if not the majority of the time. He gradually didn’t say ‘I love you’ he gradually became disinterested in spending time with me and the pressure of raising two children (we went on to have another) and run a household are definitely factors but I can’t put it down to just that surely. Days, years went on, not interested in spending time with me, I became an inconvenience rather than someone who was cherished. It finally hit me on my birthday when I got nothing but a last min bouquet of flowers and a forced ‘Happy Birthday’. After years of being loyal I started chatting to someone else, someone who gave me the love and affection I desired but i felt at times they just loved my body and not me, and thus was proven right when they no longer messaged me.... I felt used... I felt guilt... And the person, who was still there, regardless of everything, regardless of knowing everything was my husband. Of course I know this makes me a horrible person but I can’t put all the blame solely on my actions only. My husband still loves me and I still love him. How would people approach this mess?

Should also add this other guy promised that he was genuine etc wanted to be with me, gonna meet up with me, seemed to take an interest in my children and didn’t mind I had kids, knew of them and of the situation I was in. But then stopped messaging me after sexual conversation. I guess the only thing I can be thankful for here is I never actually had real sex with him. I’d lived with that regret more so.

Would just like to edit, I messaged this person fair enough still an affair but never physically had sex with them. I know this still doesn’t make it right. But had sexual conversations with them. Husband is willing to forgive me and still loves me.

I’ve always loved him just not the way I was treated by him. I’m not saying my actions are right I’m just wondering if this can be repaired and where people would go from here thanks for taking the time to reply x

Thanks for responding

In response to those questions yes I do

genuinely love my husband but also feel remorse.

He has started to show more interest in me and appreciate me more. Yes I do believe he’s actually the better person for being able to forgive me and stay with me. Better than the man I was chatting too, the more I think and reflect more,.. the man I was chatting to always wanted me when was convenient for him. He didn’t care if I was tired, if something happened to me just how it would affect him. My husband actually genuinely cares enough to see past what I have done.

The more I reflect on my actions the more I realise that all I wanted was the love and affection from my husband and was wrong to think a new relationship would achieve that.

I’m also trying to forgive myself and help myself cope with what this man did.

I can forgive myself because I just wanted love and affection which is a basic human emotion/need.

I never had sex with this man. These two things are helping me recover and forgive myself.