What do y’all do for discipline for misbehavior/disobedience that leads to accidentally hurting baby brother/sister?

Question

My 3y/o is SO strong willed. I have told him countless times to not lean into brothers rocker. He leaned in while I was trying to help my littlest to sleep and slipped and covered his face with a lot of his body weight, thankfully I was RIGHT there and shoved him off right away and shouldered most the weight that pushed into my hand that was stroking brothers face. As he was starting to lean in I told him to stop leaning into the rocker and to back up, sternly, he doesn’t listen until it gets to the point of me having to physically remove him. This is one example. Others are jumping around brother, throwing toys, etc. I sound like a horrible mom but I try re routing, time outs, etc. and none of it really does anything to where he actually feels remorseful about his behavior. I’ve tried swats even for the serious stuff like intentionally hitting brother or intentionally disobeying to the point of hurting his brother or potentially hurting his brother and they don’t do a darn thing for him. Helllp please. I’m also a single mom, so it is JUST me.

Answer

At that age they seem to respond better to telling them what they CAN do instead of what they can’t. That’s also the age where they want to be involved in everything you do and be a helper.  I have found the best thing to do is to give them helper tasks to keep them busy and lots of praise. 
So, for example, if he’s leaning on the rocker, it may be easier to have him stop if you ask him to be a helper and get you a blanket, diaper, bottle, etc. which will pull him away than to tell him to stop. Then later you can discuss how to rock the baby gently and maybe suggest singing a song.  
There are some great Daniel Tiger episodes for helping older siblings handle a new baby.

Answer

We never use violence, even swatting. Violence teaches violence is the answer. We rarely use timeouts because we distract, give choices, advise against, explain why in his language, use positive reinforcement, encouragement and try to be understanding and have alot of patience.

Answer

His time out chair he has to sit for 3.5 minutes and that is like a lifetime for him. I explain it to him that brother is little and he can’t be so rough which have helped a bit.

Answer

I only have two kids, so I don't know if this would work for you, but when one of my boys is misbehaving and doing things he knows he shouldn't, I'll simply sit on the floor with him and hold him in my lap. He will see his brother up and running around and he gets super angry that he can't do that. I explain to him why is brother is up and playing and he isn't and then I tell him that once he is calm (no more crying or fighting me) that he can go back and play. It works most of the time.

Answer

Like Anonymush said, tell him what he can do, or what to do.  Instead of saying don't lean on the rocker say "sit on your bottom next to the rocker" or "move back" at that age they often process the last thing you say.  That's why teachers say "walking feet" instead of don't run etc.  Another thing to try is stating the behavior you want to see as a given.  "Thank you for sitting on your bottom"  a lot of times they will do it just out of reflex.  Then when he is calm read a book about being a good big brother or talk to him about how to be safe around baby and why.

What do y’all do for discipline for misbehavior/disobedience that leads to accidentally hurting baby brother/sister?

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