He Claims It Was The Alcohol

Update: Thank you everyone for helping me see that he didn’t technically do anything wrong except disappoint me and be himself. I messaged him today and he offered to come right over! I saw him and things weren’t odd, he talked about how badly he was beating himself up over what happened and wanted to be able to hang out with me again. I miss my friend and we would have never worked out, I was too hurt to see that. This isn’t the first time I have tried to change or expect something from a man even though he says one thing, I want another.

I had sex with a good friend of mine last week. We are both early 30s. He claims he is on the asexual scale and once he said he was Demisexual. Regardless, he has never been in a relationship. The last time he has sex was 5 years ago. The week before I had told him how it took a lot to feel something, how sex was a big deal, and how my ex had hurt me. We were having a party to celebrate leap year, and he was all over me. I held back because I knew he wasn’t into relationships. He would touch or tickle me and I would play along but I didn’t actively touch him. He kept stroking my arm and eventually holding my hand. Yes, we had been drinking. Around midnight, we both decided to quit drinking. I was sobered up by then. I did the stupid thing about 230am. I invited him back to the spare bedroom to watch TV. Everyone else was playing video games and I was tired.

We cuddled... and eventually had unplanned sex. Worst of all, it was unprotected sex. He didn’t finish and he even cuddled with me after. Before we had sex, I asked him if he was too drunk. He said “oh course not” I asked him if he knew what we were doing. He said “ yes”

Yes, my drinking led to some bad decisions, but I knew what was going on. The next day he apologized and said it was the alcohol. He said he wasn’t into FWB and he wasn’t into relationships. He wanted to just be friends. I was crushed. I told him sex was a big step and I didn’t sleep around so I needed time to figure stuff out. My best friends act like it was both our faults, and while I have the right to be disappointed and hurt, he didn’t really do anything wrong. They said I invited him to the bedroom so I shouldn’t have been surprised that he took that as a sign and made a move. This wasn’t a random hook up. He was my friend. He knows me. He knows how deeply I feel and how much men have hurt me. He knows how hard it is for me to open up. He knows I was in an narcissistic relationship for years that screwed me up. He disregarded us to a mistake, and that’s what hurts the most. Do I have a right to be mad?