Is it the medication? Is it not working? I’ve been on it for so long I don’t know what’s normal and what’s not. I don’t know the difference between my normal and normal normal. Am I supposed to stay motivated for more than 2 week tops on one thing? And I supposed to be able to walk down the street and not shake and think everyone’s out to get me? Am I supposed to be able to trust someone enough to be in a relationship? That last one still gets me, I’ve always known that was a problem but it still boggles my mind to think about wanting to be around someone all the time and trusting someone so much and so intimately? How do you find someone who feels the same as you??? Statistically that seems so unlikely to me :( and that’s the problem. I’m so removed, I don’t do, I think. I think my medication isn’t working... but I’m scared to start a new one...

dear brain, why can’t you just be normal?