Feeling lost

Last summer my husband left the house for a couple of months & I was devastated. He came back & I thought I could get over everything & forgive him. Fast forward to now & I just don’t feel the love I had for him. He has mental issues & everytime I try to speak to him about my feelings he starts acting like a maniac, hitting his head & screaming, pleading to not leave him & idk what to do🥺 as a Christian woman I feel like I’m letting God down for giving up on my marriage, but I feel like this is taking a big toll on my mental health. I want space, I want to be alone & I feel like I’m being forced to be in a relationship because he has issues & “needs” me.