TW: Is what he did wrong?

I recently got out of a really toxic relationship and I’ve realized many things that he’s done that were super messed up. I remember him pinning me down and forcing me to have sex with him when I begged him not to. He said that i should be happy that he wanted to have sex with me because at least he wasn’t getting it from someone else. I feel so guilty because eventually I just started giving in and sitting there quietly and most of the time I would be crying so much but I stopped fighting him because I was never strong enough. Does this invalidate what he did? I feel disgusting for just letting him take advantage of me but every time I would tell him no he would pin me down and force me. I am so scared that if I ever get a boyfriend again he will do this to me and the thought of sex or men in general makes me sick to my stomach. He would also manipulate me into having sex with him by saying he will forgive me for doing something that annoyed him if I have sex with him or he would say that he wouldn’t do something like take me home unless I had sex with him. I know I am so stupid.