I don’t like my baby

I know that sounds awful, but he’s such a difficult baby. My first was such a happy baby. I mean of course he had his moments because he was a baby, but for the most part he was pretty happy. But my second is pretty much never happy. We have about a 20-30 minute period in between eating and sleeping where he is quiet, but he just sort of stares. No smiles or baby coos or anything. Just sits there. Until he starts screaming because he’s tired. He even cries when he wakes up. Cry, eat, stare, cry, sleep - repeat. My first was smiling and had a little personality at this point. But nothing with this one.

I don’t think it’s PPD. I would never harm him (though to be honest, I have seriously thought about adoption). I take care of him and will continue to do so. He’s well fed, he’s warm, I snuggle and cuddle him. I just don’t feel any love or bond toward him. I don’t hate him, I just don’t like him, if that makes sense.

I hate feeling this way and would never say it out loud or to my husband because I know how awful it sounds. I hope it will get better.