I know what you’re thinking. “Why don’t you have a hysterectomy. Aren’t you on birth control? Did you use any protection?”

1. No doctor will tie my tubes. I’m 22. I’ve asked.

2. No, currently not on birth control because my doctor requires counseling and consultations before prescribing a long term birth control. I’ve waited for my appointment next week for 3 months.

3. Yes. Condom broke. Got plan B the next day. I’m currently a mom of a baby with a severe genetic disease. If can’t be detected until they’re born. It’s genetic. Both my husband and I are carriers, literally a one in a million chances. There’s no way to test until after you’ve had a baby with the disease. We decided she would be our only baby. Also mind you, I’m 22, he’s 22, we’re not in the position to have two kids. Religiously and morally, I’m against abortion. Financially or mentally. I’ve taken a test with an incredibly faint line. It’s very very early, but I had some spotting that was light brown/ light pinkish, and I’m not due for my period for another week. I know this post will probably receive some hate for this post but it’s something weighing on me so heavily that I feel like I could curl into a ball and stay there. If it turns out I’m pregnant, of course we will try to embrace it positively. But knowing we created another life that could potentially have this disease is a guilt I could never forgive myself for. I really don’t know what I’m looking for in this post. I just needed to let it out I guess.

***UPDATE*****

I appreciate the comments y’all are leaving. I’d love to reply individually, but in order to remain anonymous I have to edit the post. The plan B was taken about 2 weeks ago. And as for adoption, I would hate to go through that process only because I know I would back out at the last minute and break others hearts. My husband just applied for a police officer position which hopefully he gets, but my biggest concern is the fact that this baby could have the same disease, and it was BRUTAL the first time with my daughter. She’s doing better now, but there’s no cure. So she has lifelong hardship ahead. J I love my daughter more than anything in the world. Which is why I solely wanted to focus on her. I know I seem like I am just shutting down your options, but I guess I’m looking more for positive vibes and reassurance. I appreciate every one of your comments and you beautiful women who have supported me... I’ve been using this app for years now and it’s helped me through my entire fertility journey. Your comments keep me feeling strong and positive.