Miscarriage #1
I suffered my first miscarriage Thursday, September 4. It's been six days.
I went to the hospital on August 28 with severe cramps and bleeding. They tested my blood, said my hCG level was low for 4 weeks (89), and then they sent me home, told me to take it easy, and to see my doctor in a week. The bleeding stopped, but they said if it got worse or the cramping started at all again, I should go back in.
I had scheduled my appointment for September 5, but on the 3rd, I was spotting and then heavily bleeding on the 4th. I went to the ER, and they tested my hCG level again. The doctor told me it had gone way up since the week before, up to the 1800s, and they were going to do a pelvic exam. During the pelvic exam, the doctor removed what looked like a large blood clot. She showed it to me and asked if anything like it had come out before, and I said no, but I wasn't worried because my hCG level was so much higher. She sent it in for testing. Then I went in for an ultrasound, where the nurse is not permitted to tell me anything.
The doctor later returned, telling me that there was a mix up between my hCG level 3 years ago, when I was pregnant with my daughter and the hCG level from the sample they had just taken. My hCG level was actually 49, and during the ultrasound, there was no sign of an embryo, except for my uterus walls being thicker. I then realized that the "blood clot" was actually my baby.
I stayed strong until she left, then I cried a little with my husband by my side. He was so excited for this pregnancy, and told all his friends when we had a positive test. He now had to tell everyone that we lost the baby, which brought on the "I'm sorrys" and condolences.
What else do you say to that a side from "it's okay." "I'm fine." "Everything's good."? The sympathy is okay, but really, what do I say to "I'm sorry?"
I tried convincing myself that it was the truth. That I am okay, but I lost it on my husband yesterday morning. I said mean things and wouldn't allow him near me. I blamed him and hurt his feelings.
We are okay now because I apologized. I realized once he had gone to work that the miscarriage broke me. I had seen my child's embryo after it was discharged from my body. I had to face all of our friends and family with the "I'm sorrys." We each have a child from another person, but this was our first together, and now the baby is gone.
My husband wants to help, but I can't tell him how, I want to lay in bed and cry for hours, but I can't because of my two kids that need me. How do I get through this? How can my husband help?
I'm sorry for such a long story, and I appreciate your time in reading it. Please help. Please pray.
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