Today I cried almost every hour I was awake.

I hid from my husband and daughter so they wouldn’t see my tears.

In 24 hours I am being admitted into the hospital for my 37 week induction.

I know tomorrow is going to be unbearably painful both physically and emotionally.

I have to leave my daughter with my parents overnight for the first time ever, several days in fact because she cannot visit me in the hospital. I’ve never been away from her one night since she was born 2 years ago.

I feel lonely, so alone. This pregnancy has put a lot of distance between my husband and I. Ever since we found out it was twins, he has emotionally checked out. He doesn’t care about them at all.

My body is in so much pain I can’t imagine how much more pain I can take from the induction process. I am not dilated and my body isn’t ready to deliver. I have a feeling that I will go through hours upon hours of pain and still end up with a c section like with my last pregnancy.

I’m scared of bringing 2 tiny humans into a world that is going through such a chaotic time.

I don’t know how I’m going to be a good mother to 3 small children. My daughter still needs me being 2 and I don’t know how I’m going to juggle them all and give all of them equal love. 

I’m not ready for tomorrow.