hi. i’m just going to jump straight to it. when i was younger around age 9/10 i did inappropriate touching with a younger cousin from extended family. i am now 20 almost 21 and still can not live with the fact that it happened. my guilt has gotten so bad that i’ve have frequent thoughts of suicide. i didn’t mean any malicious intent behind it but as i grow older i realize more and more how wrong it was and that’s why it keeps eating me up. there was never any force or penetration, just inappropriate touching and kissing. i was told by my therapist that it wasn’t that bad and it just sounded like two kids being kids..but i look at things from a different perspective because i go to school studying criminology which is literally the study of crime..and what i did , even though i was very young, was a crime regardless of my age. just how adults aren’t supposed to inappropriately touch people, neither are kids. and i’m scared it may come back and bite me in the ass one day. our age gap plays a role in it too. we don’t see that side of the family as often as we did so it’s hard to just sit and talk about it. even though it happened at a young age i still feel like such a disgusting person and i’m not looking for sympathy because i don’t feel like i deserve it. just looking to vent because i have nowhere else to turn. i’ve finally worked the courage to tell my sisters what happened and my best friend and they all told me not to beat myself up so much about it but i literally cannot help it. i’m still working up the courage to tell my mom. i would never in a million years do something like that now but the fact that i did it when i was younger eats at me to the point where i feel like i’ll be sick. i don’t think i’ll ever get over this.

edit : the age difference is 6 years..