Do you allow your significant other to drink?

Question

I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 3 years. I am 19 and he just turn 21 on the 15th of March. Before we started dating I let him know that I didn’t want to be with someone that drinks beer on the daily like water. FYI I come from a family of alcoholics, my dad drinks beer all day long like water. I let my fiancé know that I would like him to just drink on the weekends/group gatherings. So far he’s been drinking beer everyday this whole week. I remind￼ him of what I said just to give him an idea to stop. He keeps using the excuse of trying to found out what he likes. ￼￼He’s gotten bud light, blue moon, Budweiser, dry gin, and whiskey. ￼
BTW he’s been drinking since he was 19 so it’s not like it’s anything new to him.

Answer

My husband is a grown man who's fully capable of knowing what's inappropriate and what's fine. I don't set rules for him like a child. If he wants to have a beer or a glass of wine or whatever, it's his choice. I don't let my family's history impact my husband's decisions, because he's a seperate human being

Answer

I can understand you not wanting to be around anyone that drinks heavy bc of your past, but you also can't control what someone does. at the end of the day if he likes to drink maybe you need to find someone else who is more suited to the lifestyle you want?

Answer

The allowing part isnt good..hes a grown man. BUT I understand where you are coming from. Especially because you had told him ahead of time. I dont "allow" my husband to drink  but it's not a controlling thing. He knows my family history and he chooses to respect my wishes usually. If I'm not home he may buy a beer. I dont get on his case. But I do remind him sometimes about our agreement. In the end though hes an adult and I can't force him. I just have to hope he respects my views.
Have another talk with him. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. But dont use words like allow or control or force or let.

Answer

The fact that he drinks every day screams alcoholic to me. I come from the exact same kind of background on my father's side. (Legitimately the entire side of his family) so I don't drink ever because I don't want to end up like them. My husband's father's side is the same way. I will admit that I'm sensitive when it comes to alcohol, and don't like being around it. My husband rarely drinks but, I do find myself a little agitated when he does. All it takes is one time to become just like our parents. Ultimately I have to trust my husband, and let him do what he's going to do. Like I said he rarely drinks, and when he does it's so long in between that I don't remember the last time he did. If he started drinking every single day we'd have some major problems. I'd sit your fiance down, and have a serious talk with him. My husband and I's fathers both drink every single day, and they are both alcoholics. They can't stop.

Answer

'Allow' 'let'? No. The only time he 'can't' is when hes alone with our child.

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Me personally I'm a recovering alcoholic that still struggles daily after 6 years of sobriety and my ex's drinking was one of the main (out of MANY!) reasons we divorced. He was around a couple months ago and drinking right in front of me Miller lite his favorite which I always found repulsing and would never drink but I found myself wanting to take it out of his hand and drink it so for me no I couldn't be with someone who drank especially not daily. Maybe I might be able to be with someone who drank rarely and preferably not around me but not sure.

Answer

It’s probably a phase. I’ve noticed over 6 years with my husband that his faults usually come in phases. 2 years ago he was drinking 3-4 whiskey cokes every night. Today he gets tipsy off half a glass of wine

Answer

We don’t drink do to our religion but if he did that’s his own problem unless he becomes an alcoholic and relies on it then I would step in and tell him to get help.

Answer

Your family of alcoholics is not his problem. He’s an adult and you are being extremely controlling based off of your fears. It’s not fair to him

Answer

The smell of alcohol makes me nauseous. No family history or any related trauma, I just can't smell it without becoming ill. Once it's been cooked down (like as a marinade, or part of a broth for a dish, etc.), I'm generally okay. We learned this the hard way when my husband turned 21 and started having a drink or two socially on very rare occasions. Now, aside from cooking with it, he asks me if I would prefer he doesn't have a drink. For example at Christmas, his BIL is from Guatemala and he made some kind of fruit punch drink (I don't remember what it is called) that is a part of his culture. Well, the adults decided to add some wine to their cups as well. My husband tried a sip of someone's, and decided that he liked it. He then came over to me, and asked if I would mind if he did as well. I told him that I'm not going to stop him, but I reminded him that we did have other places to go and he wouldn't be able to "clean himself" (brush teeth, mouthwash, etc.) for several more hours, which would make the rest of the night miserable for me. He chose to abstain, much to the displeasure and heckling of his family. 
I think that turning 21 isn't an excuse to start drinking excessively, especially if you've been drinking underage already. I think that you expressed you wishes well before he decided to behave like this, and now he's ignoring your wishes which (I'm assuming) he'd been respecting up until now. I think you need to evaluate how much the alcohol matters to you and whether or not you'd allow it to affect your relationship (disdain, distrust, etc.). I also think you should have a conversation with him (while he's sober), about how you feel disrespected and try to get a REAL explanation from him for his behavior.

Do you allow your significant other to drink?

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