I found out i was pregnant about 2 weeks ago. I wasn’t happy. We weren’t trying. I immediately felt anger, panic, etc. and the more I’ve thought about it the more panic and worry I have. I have an appt today for an abortion (via the pill). I already have one beautiful baby boy 1.5 years old and my first pregnancy was TRAUMATIC. I have so many things going on in my head- how we will afford 2, how I will continue to work, will I get deathly ill again, will I get the same type of treatment from doctors and the same level of healthcare as my first pregnancy with all that is going on in the world right now? Will I develop pregnancy/PP anxiety/depression? when I think about the abortion I am calm but guilty and have some what if’s. When I think about having the baby I immediately panic. I have a moment (a brief second) of clarity where I’m like “we can do this” and then pure panic. I get nauseous, lose my appetite and can’t imagine giving up myself emotionally mentally and physically to another baby right now. I panic for the future, I panic thinking of being pregnant during a pandemic. I’m so torn and while I feel less guilty when I think about having the baby I also feel immense panic and like I am trapped in my own body left to deal with all the worries and woes of being pregnant again. I am so traumatized from my first pregnancy and don’t know if I can ever handle a pregnancy again but I also feel guilt for not being strong enough to handle another pregnancy and baby. Ugh I’m just so torn by my emotions and I’m not sure what to say or do to make myself feel okay one way or the other.