Please let me start off by saying that I am so very thankful for all of you ladies on here!!

I am also so very thankful for my 3 beautiful healthy children (16yr,15yr,2yr). We lost our 4th child almost 1years ago this coming April. So very single month since then that goes by with my not having a positive pregnancy marked test. I can't help but cry and feel like I'm missing out on something.

Every month I test and every month it comes out negative and I cry quietly. I just feel like my chances of getting pregnant are getting slimmer and slimmer as I am getting older and older (I'll be 38yr on this Thursday.)

All I want is to have a positive sign on the stupid test, have it stick for 9 months. Give birth to it and have it grow up with us. Is that so much to ask and/or want? What the hell man.

Sorry I that there are those that are trying for 1 baby and I'm crying over having my 4/5 baby. It's just so hard and I just want it so damn bad because my last one was given angle wings. I just love being pregnant and everything that goes with it. So every month that goes by that I'm not I cry.