Just pissed off & Heart broken 💔

I need to vent here for a moment, I hope you ladies don’t mind. It’s been almost 2 years of TTC. Meds, surgery, massages, adjustments, supplements, shots, ect. You name it I’ve probably tried it. My husband the same, multiple semen analysis, doctors appointments and supplements. Most all the time I’ve gotten bfn. I feel a couple times I had some vvvvf positive, but it was probably line eyes. This last couple of days I swear on everything holy I saw a vvvf line. I’m a habitual tester, multiple times a day even. I thought this morning, one day before af that it would have gotten a little darker. Nope, the vvvf line I swear I saw disappeared 😭. I started spotting brown this morning. Yesterday my boobs didn’t hurt but they felt really heavy and full. This morning nothing. However all my symptoms seem to come at night. Weird right. Super bloated since yesterday and even a bit nauseous at times. Im just preparing for af to show her face tomorrow. I feel hopeless and like god hates me. Why why why why. I am not someone to give up but I really want to at this point. 💔