A letter to my mom,

I wish I could talk to you sometimes and tell you how far I’ve made it without you. I wish I could tell you how I’ve grown from the insecure little girl that you manipulated into a strong and beautiful woman. Sometimes I wish I could see the look on your face when you realize that I didn’t NEED you to become successful.. I remember when you told me no one would ever want me.. I remember when you told me I’d never be a good mother. You were wrong. I’d love to say I hate you, but I don’t. I’d love to say I don’t want to hear your voice, but I do.

When I gave birth to my daughter, whom you don’t even know he name, all I wanted was you. You’ve stolen so much from me. So many years I cried and wanted to hurt myself because of the years of torture you put me through. I remember watching you carve “bitch” into your arm and tell me it was my fault. I remember when you stole from me and told me I was crazy. I remember so many things that I can never forget. I wish I could let it all go. I wish I could say goodbye. But I miss you. I miss the mother you were when I was a kid.. I wish you never started doing drugs...

I wish you would see your self worth. I hate that you feel the need to always have a man around to be worth anything. You’ve been homeless for 3 years now, I wish I knew you were safe. I wish I could hug you and call you “mom” again. But you are toxic.. I know this.. I know you need help and I can’t help you until you want to be helped. But I just wanted you to know I miss you. I wanted to let you know I still love you.. I wish you were here with me.