Hi there. I’m just looking for some ways to heal please. Any advice is appreciated.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years almost a year ago, it was for the best. We were extremely codependent on each other and I mistreated him.

When I was breaking things off he fought for me to stay around and I didn’t. Ever since then I’ve been getting these waves of horrible guilt. But I felt like it was necessary, he didn’t deserve the way I was treating him and I told him that. We tried fixing things in the relationship but they would go back to the way they were. Ex: we would be around each other pretty much 24/7. He would only go home to sleep cause he wasn’t allowed to sleep over at the time. I told him, “hey why don’t you spend some days at home I’m sure your mom misses you” or I would say something similar about going to hang out with his friends and he would say yes but then a week later it was back to us always hanging out. Which was fine and everything cause I did like spending tome with him.

I’ve told my current bf about my feelings (we have very good communication, best I’ve ever had. Hooray for healthy relationships!) and he told me to send him a text or something if it would help clearing up whatever feelings I had. It did for a bit, I don’t miss him-I just want these feelings of “I’m such a horrible person, he did everything for me and look at what I did.”

I keep trying to remind myself it was an unhealthy relationship but it only goes so far. I loved him, I really did. But it was truly for the best. Help?

Update: I have no plans to reach out to him haha.