If your husband is going to work late or needs to do some chores outside, does he let you know and give you a heads up about how long he needs you to keep watching the kids before he can join you?

My SO is adamant that it’s my job to watch the kids and that he shouldn’t have to “ask for permission” to work outside or “notify me” that he’s going to be working in his office till 7 p.m.

He doesn’t understand how much I want his company and want him to play with our toddler and I together in the evenings for shared quality time as a family.

He tells me it’s my job as a stay at home mom to watch the kids and that he shouldn’t have to explain himself to me. He doesn’t understand how it feels for me to expect him to hang out with us after he’s done with work and then have him just disappear for an hour or two doing this and that without letting me know. I feel like it’s just common courtesy.

Like, I don’t even go take a shower on the weekends without letting him know and making sure he’s up to watch our son while I do. But he’ll not say a word to me and then go take a 30 minute poop and then a 30 minute shower and then an hour later he comes back and wonders why I’m frustrated. Or he’ll just head out the back door after lunch without a word and be gone 2 hours tinkering in his shop on the weekend. Would I ever just leave the house for 2 hours on a Saturday without telling him my plans? He’ll no!

I’m just asking the same courtesy in communicating that I give him and it breaks my heart that he gets defensive and acts like I’m trying to control him or criticizing him. I’d just like to know when he won’t be helping or hanging out with us....cuz most of the damn time I do it all, but it helps to accept that if I know why he’s unavailable to me and don’t expect him to be there.

Anyhow, I’m just wondering if this is normal cuz my dad was always there for my mom. I don’t think he’ll ever understand how I disappointed I am that he’s so unexpectedly different. He doesn’t understand that I feel used and taken advantage of when he just does his own thing after work or on weekends and expects I’ll keep on doing it all with cooking and cleaning and the kid. I always expected shared family time in the evenings and on weekends because that’s what I had growing up. 😢