Im nearly 20. Grew up in a african and Muslim household. And I’m not one to self diagnose any mental illness but my mental health has been in a slow steep decline. My dad was a horrid man. I was around 10 years old when I was sexually assaulted by my father and was blamed by my mother for not screaming for help. No one brought it up again and to this day it is as if it never happened. But I remember. From that day I stopped telling my parents and older sisters anything because I was so afraid. I developed severe anxiety, struggled in school..too afraid to ask for help. Everytime I look in the fucking mirror I’m disgusted. I feel hideous I wanna rip my skin off. Some days I have to physically stop myself from jumping infront of a car. My life’s at a standstill. Still at home with this toxic family. Unable to get a job because I can’t get through a simple interview. Still haven’t got my diploma. On top of that my family are constantly reminding me I’m a failure. And I have to see thst sad excuse of a father in order for my younger siblings to visit him. And the only person I’ve loved isn’t talking to me because I pushed him away. I’m not surprised tbf I barely kissed him. I just wish i could tell him everything. Why I flinch Everytime he reached for me. Why can’t I show affection. Why I struggle to leave my house for months at a time. I wish I could tell him I’m sorry for wasting his time. I’ve lost touch with my religion, my old friends, I don’t even know who I anymore to be honest. Not looking forward to my birthday