How my birthday was effected

So my parents got divorced 3 years ago. They decided to tell me and my younger sister that they were getting divorced three days after my birthday. That specific year I remember being so excited for my birthday. I made so many plans and had so many ideas for what to do for my birthday. Well then they told me. I decided to not have my birthday that year. And ever since then I just can’t bring myself to do anything. I was always the kid who threw these parties every year. Then I wasn’t. My birthday is coming up on the 16th of April. They told me and my sister April 19. This still affects me and I honestly really wish it didn’t. I just feel like it’s not something that should be celebrated. I used to have dreams about these random trips that I wanted me and my family to go on. I did have my suspicions that they would get divorced and I even told my sister that she should expect it. But I still thought we were all pretty happy. I remember not being able to move when they told us. I just sat there in disbelief. Now every birthday of mine that’s all I can think of. And I really hope that some time soon I can finally have a birthday that I’m actually happy with. And besides all of this both of my parents expect me to have a party at both houses. This just stresses me out tbh. And my dad is planning on having this big celebration since I’m turning 16 this year. I honestly don’t want to. And I wish that he would stop pushing me every year. I’ve asked him to not make a big deal about it. But he never listens. My mom does to a extent. Anyways thank you for reading. I just needed to rant ig.