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In love with a man who isn’t my husband

Hang on people. This is going to be a bumpy ride.

Sooo 5 years ago I dated a guy who I was deeply and madly in love with. Our love felt like fire. A burning candle. It was truly intense. When we made love it was an out of this world experience. It was truly unbelievable.

The reason we broke things off is because his ex girlfriend got into a car accident and he ran by her side. Something I could not tolerate. I ended things and walked away. I blocked him from anywhere possible. Over the years he made multiple attempts to contact me. I shut them all down...

A few months after our break up I met my now husband. He knew I was heartbroken and did eveything in his power to make me fall for him. I liked the attention and love he provided. Especially me being so down and broken. But to be honest I have never been truly in love with him. I hate myself for saying this. I feel like a shitty person. But I’d be lying if I said otherwise.

So me and my husband have made a whole life together. He was there through so many of my downs. Like losing my job, having family turned their backs on me, getting kicked out of my parents house, My moms passing. This man has just consistently been there for me. Always being a supportive and loving spouse. together we have made two beautiful children. We just had our second baby boy in February! I mean he is a phenomenal guy but what I feel for him is true and deep appreciation I’m so grateful for everything he has done for me and our family. He is such a hardworking man and allows me to be a stay at home mother. He spoils me rotten and just overall offers so much love and affection.

I mean he’s perfect right... so why can’t I just fall in love with him?

Okay so here’s where things get tricky—

My ex boyfriend found me on Facebook.

This time I couldn’t turn him away. Idk it was different.? I just wanted to hear what this man could possibly say to me. So I accepted his request.

He told me he just found out my mom had passed and wanted to offer his condolences. I then asked him if there was anything else.. he said yes that he regretted how things ended and he still had love for me.

I was shocked that when he said that, my heart started beating fast. I realized I felt the same way, that’s I’d still love this guy! I just wanted to run out the door and be with him. All of these feelings just came rushing back.. out of

Left field . I didn’t think I had all these feelings still inside of me. But I do. I really really do

Needless to say we didn’t decide to pursue anything.. we both just wished each other well. And we agreed to allow life and the future do whatever it needs to do & if chance finds us again then we will give it another shot....

But truth is- he’s been on my mind 24/7. Here I am -that same girl in love with that guy from 5 years back. How can these emotions be so strong and powerful and overtake everything I’ve build with my husband?